Creative Solutions: Curfews and More...
Suggestions from our parents
Curfew Monitoring...
“…has gotten easier now
that there are legal requirements as to when kids are
allowed to be on the road. I'm usually up until 11
PM so it’s
not too difficult. And if they don't adhere to
the legal limits, we take away the car keys.”
Sleeping in Your Students Bed...
“…our daughter
had a curfew but instead of having to stay up late on
nights that we were tired, one of us would go to sleep
in our daughter’s bed! When our daughter arrived
home she would wake the parent when she got home. SO – we
knew when she got in and we didn’t have to be exhausted
the next morning!”
“…I have a son, and I have to say, I don't
think I would want to sleep in his bed!” (this parent
uses the alarm clock idea #1)
Alarm Clock Ideas...
MANY parents had variations on the alarm clock theme, read
on!
- “…You can set an alarm clock for the curfew
time near enough to your bedroom door so you can hear it
if it goes off. When the teen comes home they are to
turn off the alarm setting or you will be woken up.”
- “…Set an alarm for the curfew time in your
room. When the alarm goes off check to see if the teen
is home, if not call him/her. Most everyone has cell phones so calling
is easy, it's the waking up to the alarm to be a responsible
parent that's difficult but, worth the effort cause
it shows you care.”
- “… Set the alarm in the child's bedroom to
the time of their curfew. Tell the child the alarm is
set and he/she should turn off the alarm when he/she gets home.
If the alarm goes off you know your child did not make
it home before curfew!”
One parent added this comment: “Works like a charm,
if teen is on time parent gets a full night of sleep!”
Cell Phones Connecting Us...
Several parents had suggestions about using your cell
phone to keep in touch.
“…[If our son is] is spending the night elsewhere
and has something he needs to tell us that is not considered
an emergency, we ask him to leave a message on our cell phones
(which don't ring) or to text message us. That way
we're not awakened by the phone in the middle of the night
but we will have the information in the morning (what time
he's coming home, or that he's spending the night at another
approved location instead).”
Be Wary...
“…I have learned from other parents
that sleeping over at a friend’s house can be an alert
that students might be getting involved in drinking and don’t
want to come home to my rules. … I still get in touch
with the parents to make sure that they know our daughter
is invited over. And it shows our daughter that we care – even
when it drives her nuts!”
“…I have our daughter come in the room and
kiss us goodnight when she gets home. If she’s chewing
gum – I’m suspicious and discuss it with her
in the morning, when we’ve both had a good night’s
sleep and can talk calmly.”
“...When our son goes out for the evening we tell
him to wake us up when he gets home. That way we can
go to bed and still know exactly when he gets in and what
kind of condition he is in.”
Did Your House Ever Get “TP'd”...
“…Part of the tradition of Homecoming week, Spring Fling week, birthdays, etc. seems to be TP'ing the homes of the students. After numerous years spent cleaning up the toilet paper in the many tall trees on our property my husband and I found a great solution. We purchased a motion sensor sprinkler at the hardware store. When kids try to sneak onto our property at night the sprinklers are activated and they get a sprayed with a hard stream of cold water. Problem solved...
She added later: of course we delight in hearing the startled screams from the kids as they race back into their cars.”
Putting the Burden on the Student...
“…One father wrote: The most helpful technique I can share is to leverage the youngster's own self interest. Instead of saying yes, or no, move the burden of decision and empowerment to them. Now, this requires examples to understand.
- You want to go to San Diego for the weekend? No problem. Earn enough money, buy yourself a ticket on a plane, find yourself a hotel room…etc. Instead of arguing all day about it, either they are mature enough to organize it, or they stop asking.
“…And don't have Grandma give them a couple of hundred dollars and make all the reservations. All the adults need to play, or this doesn't work.”
Set the Stage Prior to the Evening Out...
- No church on Sunday... no social engagement on Fri/Sat
- Low grades ... no social engagement until they come up
- "Funky" attitude ... no social engagement until we openly discuss and clear the funk
- Chores not completed without prompting ... no social engagement until you accept responsibility of "work 1st, play later"
Now that they're on their way to the social engagement, what I do is this:
- Who, what, where, time in, time out, driving, adult supervised?
- If those answers all check out, I have our daughter check in twice during the evening via text or cell call & lastly,
- I review the "Rules of (Social) Engagement" with her (above);
MOST IMPORTANT - Don't get into the car with ANYBODY who has been drinking or drugging (even a little bit) ... call me to come pick you up, with no judgment attached.
- I leave the door unlocked so she does not have to fumble for her keys (in case someone is watching her); have her turn on the light in my room, walk over to me in bed, do an oral cavity check & a quick sniff & have her tell me what time it is. Once that's all over ... I finally ask her if she had a good time! (tee, hee)
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